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On Care Bears

Playing this song while you read this is highly recommended.

Lately Tallulah has been watching a lot of episodes of the Care Bears and although I could go for hours talking about the detestable marketing ploys of shows such as this I noticed something even more sinister.

Care Bears are fascists.

They have a big clock that shows how happy and caring their people are and monitors for ‘wrongfeel’ and ‘badthink’. When they see the meter drop towards the raincloud side, they try to prevent it getting worse by going on “caring missions” (crusades?).

In the episode I saw this morning one bear can be quoted as saying “there goes the neighborhood” in response to seeing the negative swing of their bad mood detector – a very ominous expression bringing to my mind the Bodycount song of the same name which references black people moving into a white suburb and the ensuing social dramas and racism…

In order to deal with negative emotions they use the “Carebear Stare” – a group attack on the insurgent where they all release the full fury of their tummy laser/rainbows to force a change in mood.

While this sort of intervention might work in movies I know that if they tried this while I was in the grips of some sort of depression I would probably hit them with the full fury of an empty red wine bottle – ironically it would probably cheer me up too.

All their targets seem to want is the right to be able to feel sad and some of the more destructive tendencies of the Bear’s enemies can possibly be mirrored in the real life terrorist organisations hatred of America’s Care-Bear-like intervention in worlds affairs with the intention of pressing US political and religious views on an unwilling world.

To be fair, I don’t think the writers were aware of the nature of their creations but were rather setting their own society’s values into a script, thinking it to be an innocent portrayal of a how the world could be.

I say passive aggressive bears policing society from high, bent on creating a utopian society without regards for the personal rights of their prey would be a bad idea.

Just a side note – I always wanted to see a Care Bears/Transformers crossover – maybe a Decepticon invasion of Carealot. Would Tummy Power work on insane megalomaniac robots bent on destruction? I think not.

Tallulah’s Song

She was singing this to herself while doing some colouring in at the table – I had to write it down 😀

on a stormy night it’s a stormy night
and you can’t go outside on a stormy night
and if you go outside
your drawing might be blown away
and your baby will be blown away up in the sky
and it will be scary
and thats why you shouldn’t draw a stormy night
scary scary scary (scary scary)
it’s so scary on a stormy night
you might get trapped you might get scared
or you might get something blown in your mouth
or up your nose
and you will need a dooooctoooor


My birthday is coming up soon and it is possible people are scrambling for that last minute present.

To make it easier for everyone I have decided I want one of those Star Wars waste crushers – not in gunmetal grey though – i would prefer it in a sky blue or maybe a white and blue Wedgwood pattern.

It would look great next to the gazebo and would probably count as a water feature for the house’s feng sui.

Danger Man

Danger Man, written by Damien Snell and played by Peter Medley for a Darwin Fringe Festival show at a skit night. Like with so many things I always wanted to go back and use it for something else but I have a feeling the ideas are most funny to myself 😀

Danger man was born at Ayers Rock resort in Yulara. Inspired by the doghouse style staff accommodation, where you have a two room flat which shares a kitchen and toilet with the adjoining flat. When moving into one of these, there is always the dreaded first meeting with the neighbours. We were talking one day and realised there was a niche for someone you could call to undertake this onerous task for you.

Danger man can be hired for all the little things in life that fall into the ‘too hard’ basket. He is almost a super hero type character, being larger than life and always showing up to fix things. The only problem is that he is not terribly good at it. This idea is perfect to develop into a series of very short films. DM would make a very good cartoon character or door stop and always makes a stylie escape. It might be possible to have him finishing off another pissy assignment at the beginning of each episode, sort of James Bond style.

Danger man meets the Neighbors
Scene 1
Danger man, assisted by his two amazingly short mexican sidekicks, is donning his protective goggles and arm pads ready to dive into the kitchen and meet his clients new neighbour. His helpers tie a rope around his waist and shake his hand good luck goggles go down and he steps through the door. They have a total confidence in danger man that the flat owner does not share.

Scene 2
This scene is very snappy and begins with far away shots of the 2 people and slowly moves in (1,2,1,2,1,2 etc.. back and forth) as danger man makes more and more mistakes in this first crucial encounter. Danger man is sweating more and more as things progress until he inadvertently insults the neighbor now dead grandmother. There is a messy pause at this point then DM gives three quick panicked tugs on the rope (two short and one long) and his friends drag him out.

Scene 3
In the last scene one man mops DM’s brow, another helps him out of the suit whilst the third goes through the appointment schedule for the next job.

(End with flashy logo and jingle with voiceover.)

Other scripts could include;
Danger man gets called in when (during a steamy, low light couch scene) it is discovered by Gazza that the ‘girl’ he picked up in the club is lacking certain feminine attributes. He leans over and discretely calls danger man on the coffee table phone. DM arrives instantly with his helpers. In the silent scene that follows, Danger man’s helpers extract Gazza from the couch in a way that (somehow) closely resembles the Indiana Jones and the temple of doom’s famous switch-the idol-for-a-bag-of-sand-before-getting-chased-by-large-ball scene. Danger man tries to defuse the situation but muffs it up rather badly and ends up having to escape by bungie jumping out the window. At the end Danger man says ‘I feel – different…’

Danger man is called in by a bunch of stoned people who need something from the local 7-11 but are unable to get off the couch.

A groom calls him in to fill in for the bucks night.

DM checks out a new disco for a client ( Saturday night fever style ) which turns out to be a gay bar.

The mob hires him to take the rap at a very large bust.

Danger man should do a lot of work in old peoples homes.

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